parachute spiders

This is sick. Spiders figured out how to throw their silvery light web thread into the air, making parachutes to dispurse their progeny across the land. That's great. Like walking into a web isn't bad enough, now you can walk face first into a web-chute of an industrious super genius spider bent on world domination. I've just played into his hands! Or feet, or whatever those spindles are called.
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I've been in the ocean when a babble of jellfish float by- that's nerve wracking, I could leap out of the water and run across it like a cartoon character. Maybe that's how Jesus did it- "Holy Cow! There's a ton of jellyfish floating by!" Peter was cracking up- "Lord! You were totally walking on water!"
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But spiders parachuting down like invading troopers in the longest day?
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A professor in Texas says: "Spiders use their silk as a simple parachute to carry them from one place to another. Light winds and rising thermals favor spider dispersal in this manner. The spider stands facing the air current from the top of a grass blade or other platform. (Spider platform?) Then, standing on tip-toe (spider tippy toe?) and with its abdomen pointed toward the sky it releases a stream of silk from its spinnerettes. When the wind currents catch the threads the spiders release their lauching pad and off they go."
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"That's great professor"- (I feel like Raymond Burr in Godzilla) "Can we find a scientic way to stop em?" Maybe global warming will put an end to these light winds and thermals. Maybe global warming isn't such a bad thing.
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And what's with the "pointing the abdomen towards the sky? Who else in nature does that? Oh yeah- hippies. They do that while enjoying their spinnerettes. I think parachute spiders are in league with hippies. Maybe that's why they both want to stop global warming. I'm going outside with an aerosal can right now- to do my part. Bring mother nature to her senses. We need to stop these hippie spiders by creating gale force winds and alternating temperatures between 20 below and 125 degrees. Make it look like Mercury out there.
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Though with my luck spiders could find a way to parachute in a hurricane. Then you'd get a spider in your nose at a velocity of 200 miles per hour. That's just the boon they would want!
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Is there any way to stop them! This is the end, THE END!!!!!