vacuum battle

When I don't want to actually get NEAR the spider in a battle, I do what the generals do, use hardware. I get a vacuum cleaner and suck the enemy up.
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EX: I see a spider scurry along the baseboard, I run and grab the VC and plug it in, all the while not taking my eyes off the spider. (gotta keep him on radar.) Then I put on every extension attachment so that I can stand 20 feet away.
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Then I sloooowly put the nozzle near the spider and in a coordinated strike, turn it on and jab with the tip. I watch him shloop into the nozzle and then I let it run overnight. He may be hanging on inside the hose, like he's in a wind tunnel, so I gotta wear him down.
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Then in the morning, while the VC is still running, I reach outside the window and vacuum up loose dirt to bury and suffocate him. Satisfied that I have created a spider morgue inside the VC bag, I then stuff paper towels into every opening.
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Then I drive to the Costco parking lot dumpster, throw the vacuum cleaner away and get a new one that hasn't been defiled. Hey, sometimes -to save the village, you gotta destroy it. It's the American way.