spiders in your ears at night

Terrifying- I heard that you swallow 4 spiders a year- at night while you are SLEEPING. They crawl across your bed, and see your mouth and go "Hey- this looks like a good cave to explore!" and down they go, spelunking like spider-man in Mountain Dew commercial. You swallow them! I'm glad I don't live in Texas. I'd hate to wake up with a tarantula half sticking out of my mouth, trying to wriggle into my sinus.

But what's worse than that? Your ears. (I won't go with any orifices, suffice to say) They crawl in your ears too. They finished exploring your esophagus and are like "what now, kids?" And the little spider babies go: "The ears Dad! Let's go to the ears next!" "Ha-ha, Ok, ok."

So now they go in your ears and lay eggs in there. They decide to settle down, build a web. Have a few generations of spiders.

Have you ever been Q-tipping your ears and pull out a spider web? That's creepy.

I saw a commercial that said Excessive ear wax build up can cause hearing loss. I know we live in a paranoid consumer society, sure- but hearing loss from ear wax? I've seen some guys on airplanes, who have enough earwax to buff a surfboard. If ear wax causes deafness- then these guys make Helen Keller look like the Bionic Woman. (on a side note: isn't it funny the bionic chick can HEAR faraway, but the bionic dude can SEE faraway?)

Anyway, so back to the point. Earwax. Spiders in ears. Another reason to keep your ears clean- spiders crawling in there and getting stuck like it's one of those Roach Motel-esque Spider Traps. CLEAN YOUR EARS or you'll have a nest!

I wonder if those bumpy noises in the night are nothing more than a spider banging up against my eardrum! EEEEEeeeeeeewwwwwwww!